(Before I keep on writing, and you keep on reading, just a quick disclaimer : this article is gonna be about what I've been living for the past 12 months, and why I've been loving it. Speaking english instead of french has been part of that experience, therefore it didn't seem right to write this last post in french. My point is really not to brag about how good my english has become, especially since I'm quite sure this post will be full of mistakes. And I'm really sorry for those of you who don't like speaking english, or reading english, but after a year of speaking another language, words don't come to my mind in french anymore, so it's actually way more natural to do this in english. Hope you guys don't mind and still enjoy reading it...)
So, there we go. Almost 12 months ago, on the 21st of October 2013, I sat in a plane, without any clue of what my life would be like after that. I didn't know the country I was going to, I didn't know anyone there, and the people there weren't talking the same language as me. I was too far away for anything to be similar to what I had known before, or for anyone I knew to help me if needed. I felt more lonely than I'd ever had before. I mean, I know I wasn't completely alone. Skype, Facebook and Whatsapp were helping me to keep in touch with everyone back home, and I had my Au Pair agency and my host family to help me). But still, when you arrive in your host family, with people you absolutely don't know, who have their habbits, their history, their lives, already right on track without you, and you think "Ok, I'm gonna live with this family for the next 12 months, they're my other family from now one", you just feel really lost.
Not gonna lie, it took some time to adjust. To realise that this was more than holidays, that it was a whole new life. There were days of doubt, days where I missed everything, and more importantly everyone, so much, that I just wanted to pack my suitcases and run to the airport as fast as I could. Days where I felt like I had given up on all my friends and my family by choosing to go away, days where I was feeling so guilty not to be home anymore.
But what I've found here made all those days not matter anymore. Those people, who were complete strangers when I arrived, became my second family. I've been with these kids almost everyday of this year, I was there when they were crying, when they were happy, when they were such a pleasure to be around, and when they were so challenging that I just wanted to tie them up on a chair and finally have quiet time. I've watched them growing up, changing, making progresses. When Harry moved up a level at swimming, I was as proud as if he was my little brother (even though it meant that his swimming lesson would have to be moved to another time, and I wouldn't get to check out the NZ olympic team practicing next to his lesson). When Nathan got the part he wanted in the school play, and was so nervous on the opening night because he was saying the first line, I was about as nervous as him. And when Kate, after we'd spent an afternoon at the playground, turned to me and told me "I wish you were my big sister", it literally melted my heart. Paul and Louise, my host parents, have been so supportive and so helpful, I still can't believe I was lucky enough to share this experience with such a wonderful family.
New Zealand also contributed to make this year unforgettable. I had dreamed about coming here for such a long time, but it seemed impossible : too far away, too expensive, too hard to get to... The kind of places you dream about you entire life, and never have the chance to go to.
However, I managed to make my way here. How did that happen? I'm still unsure about the answer. I've never been the kind of person who fight for what they want, I've always given up when things were getting too hard. So how did I, of all people, ended up in the country of my dreams?
Even though I don't know the answer, part of me knows that I actually am responsible for what happened this year. I chose to become an Au Pair, got all the documents sorted, found my host family, managed to do what I wanted to do this year... I know luck played a great part in it as well, but I like to think that I started the process, which makes me more proud of myself than I've ever been in my entire life. I might lose that feeling very soon, but now that I hold it, it's actually like I can make any of my dreams come true. You know, that quote you get in every Disney movie, about how you can achieve anything if you believe in yourself? That's almost how I feel know (kind of like the quotes I've been annoying you with since the beginning of this blog). I know some dreams are completely crazy and unrealistic, like becoming a millionaire, marrying Jon Snow or receiving my Hogwarts letter, but I do believe that you have to hold on to some of them, because if you just give it a try, you might be surprised with the results you'll get. There, now that I've done the "Cheesy Disney" part of this post, let's move on.
New Zealand. In case you hadn't figured it out yet, it's always been a dream of mine. Well, I have to break the news : it wasn't like I imagined it would be. It was even better. I got to do so many things here, that I wouldn't even have thought about before. Going to a fashion show, hiking in the snow, walking around Middle-Earth, watching dolphins, getting a ride in a limo, having bacon and eggs for breakfast (and actually enjoying it), bungy jumping... The list goes on and on. And what really amazes me, is that if i had spent that last year in France, and all those opportunities had been offered to me, I'd have turned down at least half of them, because that's not the kind of activities I'd normally do, and because I'd be too scared. But here, everytime a new opportunity came up, all I could think was "If I don't do it here, I'll never do it". So I tried so many new things, had so many amazing new experiences. And I actually loved all of them. Which made me want to take a resolution (kind of like a New Year resolution, but in the middle of october, so I'll call it a New Zealand resolution) : just say yes. Say yes to more things, don't let fear, anxiety or shyness holding me back. Let's have as many new experiences as I can, live an adventure everyday of my life. Because that feeling, when you've done something you were so scared of, when you're proud of yourself for being able to do it, is the best thing ever.
New Zealand, I feel like you've made me grow up. I feel like you've helped me find myself. Somehow, your people, your landscapes, your magic, made me forget how hard it was to be away from home, and allowed me to have the time of my life.
I've packed my suitcases, printed off my flight ticket, closed my bank account, and still it doesn't feel like I'm leaving. Maybe that's because I'm not, not really. No matter where life takes me from now on, part of me will always be here. And I hope, I really hope that someday, I'll get the chance to visit again.
I still could talk about that for hours. I've got so many feelings, thoughts, running through my mind right now. I won't, though, as I know that this whole thing in english has already put some of you off, and the bravests amongst you who read this whole thing probably won't be brave enough (or crazy enough) to read an entire book about how amazing New Zealand is.
So let's finish by thanking you, dear readers. Even though leaving this country is so hard, knowing that I'll get to see you very soon makes me so happy. I can't beggin to describe how much I've missed you. Everytime I was travelling somewhere, doing something, I wished you were there to share it with me. Every single one of your texts, messages, skype calls, emails, made me smile, and some even brought tears to my eyes (I have to admit the Advent Calendar was the worst, I started crying for about half an hour when I opened it, and couldn't stop myself). I hope those blog posts made you travel a bit, made you smile sometimes, and gave you an idea of what New Zealand is like. And if some of you ever think about coming here, go for it, I promess, you won't regret it! (Just make sure I'm not hiding in your luggage before you leave, that might be a problem).
Et on repasse au français pour la fin! Désolée pour l'article tout en anglais, j'espère que ça ne vous a pas trop dégoûtés de le lire... Quoiqu'il en soit, encore merci pour ceux d'entre vous qui ont lu le blog, quand je l'ai commencé je ne pensais absolument pas que qui ce soit irait dessus, alors ça fait un peu bizarre (mais très plaisir) que vous l'ayez lu!
J'ai très très très hâte de vous voir, et de savoir tout ce que vous avez fait pendant votre année. Un an ici, c'était trop court, mais un an loin de vous, c'était beaucoup, beaucoup trop long.
Alors pour la dernière fois sur le blog, je vous fais de gros bisous (les prochains seront en vrai),
Plus que jamais, à très bientôt,
Coink'
"Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look
back everything is different…"
– C.S Lewis
Et puisque c'est vraiment fini, cadeau :
Et puisque c'est vraiment fini, cadeau :
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss
- Dr. Seuss